so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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