I'm sorry my penis didn't work
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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