I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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