Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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