I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
