He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
