She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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