I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
