the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
