What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
