so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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