I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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