the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
