Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
