I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
