So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize