I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
