so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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