Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
