her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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