Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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