Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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