I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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