you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
