it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
