normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
