Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
