Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
