Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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