This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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