Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
