How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
