She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
