i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
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There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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