He kissed a someone with a penis
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
