Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
