Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
