I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
