she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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