you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
