I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This is my gift to your gina
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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