Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
