he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
