Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
