she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize