Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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