Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
