Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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