I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
