my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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