please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
