I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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