i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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