if i can run in heels then i can drive
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
