I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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