Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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