I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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