He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
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I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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