what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
