Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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