my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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