I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
