On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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