Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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