He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
