Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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