You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
