just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
