I am puke
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
