That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
