he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
